Zoe's MRI

I just wanted to let everyone know that Zoe's MRI on the 3rd went very well. There was no change at all in the mass. There are still no enhancements, which is unique in Zoe's case. The neurosurgeon said today that he is "pleasantly baffled," and her oncologist stated that she looks "amazing." Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. Please continue to think of and pray for Zoe!

Zoe's First Trip to See Santa!!

We took Zoe down to Jack's Creek Farm in Bishop this past weekend to pick up our Christmas Tree and to see Santa. Here are some pictures from our little adventure.

Mommy and Zoe

We went down to Washington, GA the day after Thanksgiving with my mom, aunt, nephews,and cousins. Here are some pictures of Zoe and me.

Zoe's MRI today

Hello everyone,

I just wanted to let you all know that Zoe did have her MRI this morning. Everything went well. Sadly, they had to prick her 4 times before they got her IV started!! Poor girl got her Daddy's difficult veins :-( But she did really well and we are just waiting to hear from the doctor about the results. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers and please continue to pray for her.

Thank you!

Andie

Zoe's New Pictures from UGA

Zoe's MRI has been rescheduled

Hello everyone,

I just want to let you all know that Zoe's MRI has been rescheduled because she is very congested and they might not have done the MRI if we had gone all the way up there. Hopefully, it will be next Monday or Tuesday. I will let everyone know the new date when I do. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers and please continue to pray the Zoe's tumor will be gone with this next MRI.

Thanks,

Andie

Christmas Pictures at the Natural Baby!

Due to the wonderful success of the Halloween Portrait Session Fundraising Event for Zoe, The Natural Baby and I have decided to do it all again! Join us on December 5, 2009 for the Watkinsville Christmas Parade. We will also be having free mini-portrait sessions again from 10AM to 2PM, complete with a Christmas Tree, for your children. If you would like to donate at this time for Zoe, you may. Photographs will again be available for a small fee. You may also purchase bracelets, ribbons, and ornaments to benefit Zoe at this event. We hope to see everyone there!

November 5, 2009: A Prayer for Zoe

If you are praying for Zoe, I ask you to please read this entry all the way through.

My dad was given a specific scripture during his devotionals in the last few days. The verse is Matthew 21:18-24: Jesus Curses the Fig Tree.

"In the morning, when he returned to the city, he was hungry. And seeing a fig tree by the side of the road, he went to it and found nothing at all on it but leaves. Then he said to it, 'May no fruit ever come from you again!' And the fig tree withered at once. When the disciples saw it, they were amazed, saying, 'How did the fig tree wither at once?' Jesus answered them, 'Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only will you do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, 'Be lifted up and thrown into the sea,' it will be done. Whatever you ask for in prayer with faith, you will receive."

He was also given this from Robert Collier's, Riches Within Your Reach.

"Philip of Macedon, Alexander's father, perfected the 'phalanx' - a triangular formation which enabled him to center the whole weight of his attack on one point in the opposing line. It drove through everything opposed to it. In that day and age it was invincible. And the idea is just an invincible today.

Keep one though in mind, SEE it being carried out step by step, and you can knit any group of workers into one homogenous whole, all centered on the one idea. You can accomplish any one thing. You can put across and definite idea. Keep that mental picture even in mind and you will make it as invincible as was Alexander's phalanx of old.

'It is not the guns or the armament,

Or the money they can pay.

It's the close cooperation

That makes them win the day.

It is not the individual

Or the army as a whole

But the everlasting teamwork of every bloomin' soul.'

-J. Mason Knox

The error of the ages is the tendency mankind has always shown to limit the power of Mind, or it's willingness to help in time of need."

My purpose in writing this blog is to create an army; to knit a group of workers into "one homogenous whole." We have all been praying for Zoe, but we have been praying for different things. All of them are good and noble, but all are different. Some of us have been praying for the tumor to disappear. Some of us have been praying for the tumor not to get any bigger. Some of us have been praying that God's will be done, whatever that may be. We need to unite in ONE prayer and make that prayer our phalanx for Zoe.

Up until and on November 17th (the date of Zoe's MRI), I would like everyone to be praying that the doctors come back from Zoe's MRI and ask us, "how could the fig tree wither so quickly?" How did her tumor go away? How did it disappear so quickly?

And I firmly believe that if the army that is praying for Zoe is focused on one thing, the disappearance of Zoe's tumor, then it WILL come to pass.

We have asked, and we shall receive.

Trick-or-Treat at the Natural Baby

Join us on Halloween, October 31, 2009 from 4-6PM at the Natural Baby in Downtown Watkinsville for Trick-or-Treat and FREE portrait sessions of your child in costume! You can donate for Zoe at this event. Photographs will be available for a small fee.

Also, we will have ornaments as well as bracelets that can be picked up! We hope to see everyone there!!

Zoe in the Pumpkin Patch

I took Zoe down to Rocky Ridge Farms Pumpkin Patch. Here are the photos that we got!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

I began to read the Secret today. I have already come across several interesting points. The most interesting concept to me is to think about what you do want instead of about what you don't want. Here is a quote in the book by Bob Doyle:

The law of attraction doesn't care whether you perceive something to be good or bad, or whether you do or don't want it. It's responding to your thoughts. So if you're looking at a mountain of debt feeling terrible about it, that's the signal you're putting out into the Universe. "I feel really bad because of all of this debt I've got." You're just affirming it to yourself. If you feel it on every level of your being. That's what you're going to get more of.

Based on this principle, I want to revise my affirmations:

1. Zoe WILL live!!
2. Zoe's tumor WILL only get smaller!
3. Zoe's tumor WILL shrink to absolutely nothing.
4. My precious little girl WILL be with me forever!
5. 
   
6. At Zoe's next MRI, her tumor WILL be smaller.
7. Zoe WILL be an extraordinary child!
8. Zoe WILL be in the 10% that live past two years.
9. Zoe WILL be a miracle baby.
10. Zoe's doctors WILL be amazed at how her tumor disappears!

I feel that these affirmations will be more productive affirmations than the ones I posted previously. I also have more affirmations to add that are new.

1. I WILL only look for the good that Zoe does.
2. Zoe's eyes WILL stay large and open.
3. Zoe's face WILL always be symmetrical.
4. Zoe WILL hit all of her milestones.
5. Zoe WILL be strong on both sides of her body.
6. Zoe WILL sleep with her eyes fully closed.

Because I could not think of a way to express my previous affirmation #5 in an entirely positive manner, I broke it down into several different affirmations. These are all neurological symptoms that the doctors told us to watch for. But I think that we have all caught ourselves over thinking the situation. Why isn't she sitting more? Why isn't she crawling yet? Why is she smiling crooked suddenly? All of these are valid questions, but I feel it is unhealthy to dwell too much. The truth is that Zoe sat alone for several hours today. The truth is that Zoe isn't the only baby I know her age that isn't crawling yet. The truth is that Zoe can smile perfectly symmetrically at times but many times is smiling in a funny crooked way. I don't think it has anything to do with the tumor and everything to do with her personality.

So now I am thinking about what I WANT instead of what I don't!! And now I'm asking you to affirm THESE affirmations with me instead of the old ones and let's get Zoe healthy!!

A Favorite Quote

My Dad read these two quotes to me yesterday morning and I wanted to share them with everyone else. They are from a book called Riches Within Your Reach.

Matter is spirit at a lower rate of vibration. When a patient is cured, it is spirit in the cell doing the healing according to its own inherent pattern. No doctor ever cured a patient. All he can do is to make it possible for the patient to heal himself. -Dr. Titus Bull

This was followed by. . .

And if that is true of the body, it is just as true of conditions around you. Matter---physical materials--- is spirit or Creative Force at a lower rate of vibration. The spirit or Creative Force is all around you. You are constantly forming it into mental molds, but more often than not these are dictated by your fears rather than your desires. Why not determinedly form only good molds? Why not insist upon the things you want? It is just as easy, and it works just as surely. -Robert Collier

My journal entry last night expounds on this principle much more and will be posted either late today or tomorrow.

October 14, 2009: A Clarification

I just received a phone call, and I feel that I need to clarify a few points about my last blog entry. Anything that was stated was my perception of reality. It is not cold, hard set in stone fact. It is simply my perception of what was going on around me.

I released this grudge publicly because it had been held very publicly. If you knew me over the past 2 1/2 years, I'm sure that you knew about this grudge as well. Because it had been held so publicly, I felt that in order for it to be properly released, it had to be done very publicly.

Don't get me wrong, there are a few other people that I was holding grudges against. However, they weren't nearly as big as this grudge or held nearly as publicly. So I didn't feel that they needed to be released as publicly.

In writing that blog, I was never intending to say that the person that I was holding the grudge against in any way caused what has happened to my family over the past 2 1/2 years. I was saying that I had caused what has happened because I was the one that held the grudge.

I was not trying to get in another shot or air any kind of dirty laundry. I felt the only way to truly help myself let it all go was to put it out there and then say that I have released it. I feel that I was truly able to do that. I sincerely apologize to anyone that was hurt or offended. It was not my intention for the blog to read wrong. It was truly my intention to release everyone from this grudge so that we could move on with out lives in a positive manner.

I hope that this clarifies what was said in the last blog and that there is no confusion.

Sunday, October 11, 2009: Letting Go

We took Zoe on her first trip to Watson's Mill Bridge State Park today. She absolutely loved it. She enjoys the outdoors so much!! She has been doing really well lately and I think she is pretty much back on schedule and back to normal.

I am in the prcess of washing all of our clothes in Borax to remove a lot of the harmful dyes. Tomorrow, I need to call a carpet cleaner and see if I can get them to come down and clean ourcarpets in Borax and bleach to remove the harmful dyes from it. I'm definitely nervous about the bleach part!! Zoe is still taking 1ml of Fucoydon and Eternity and 1/2 ml of Junior Max a day along with her probiotic. I can't increase her Junior Max yet because she has started to have loose stools again.

So I have one more affirmation today and here it is:

I WILL let go of all of my grudges.

You may be wondering what this has to do with Zoe. Well, I'll explain.

Over the past few weeks, I've been asking myself what Sean and I have done to deserve such heartache over the past 2 1/2 years. First, his accident. Then, my heart failure. Now, Zoe's brain tumor. The answer I always came up with was nothing. We weren't bad people. We aren't bad people. But there was always something nagging me that maybe, just maybe, we had done something without even realizing it. I know that the beginning of our relationship was shady because we met when he was still married, but I truly feel that we were meant to be. Surely we've already paid for that lapse in judgement.

And then my mom talked to me yesterday about a book that she is reading. The book talks about holding grudges and how it could damage your life. That made me think. I hold a grudge; I hold a big grudge that seems to be getting bigger. So, I though some more. Negative thoughts go along with grudges. There have been A LOT of negative thoughts in this house that go along with this grudge. Could negative thoughts be something that brought illness upon our house and family? To be honest, I really don't know. I do know on thing, though. I had never in my life experienced the kind of heartache and sadness that I have experienced since I started holding this grudge.

The grudge that I hold is against Sean's ex-wife. There are many reasons that I hold a grudge against her. I hold a grudge for a lot of different reasons that I feel are valid, but it's still a grudge. And I am coming to realize that this grudge is harmful. It's harmful to me. It's harmful to Sean. It's harmful to Zoe.

I refuse to let it be harmful any longer!

I went through all of this explanation for one purpose. Today, I'm letting my grudge go. I've held this grudge through 2 1/2 difficult and heartbreaking years that I wouldn't trade for anything.

But I will no longer allow this grudge to affect my life or the lives of those around me. It just isn't worth it. I know that I can't drop this grudge instantly and without work. It will take effort. I'm sure it will take a lot of effort.

But I can do it!

I'm letting go of this grudge!!

Zoe's Bracelets

We currently have silicone bracelets in just plain grey that say Brain Tumor Awareness. But we will be getting in some new ones in a few weeks. Here is what they will look like.

They will be $5 each and you will be able to get them at several locations around town. I will post locations when we get them in. IF they come in time, I will have them for sale at the Fall Festival in Watkinsville on October 17. If not, I will have the some grey Brain Tumor Awareness bracelets.

If you live out of town please mail a check or money order with a stamped, addressed envelope to:

Andie Freeman

179 Shadow Lake Drive

Arnoldsville, GA 30619

Let me know if you would like the grey or the pink and grey and if you would like toddler, youth, or adult for the size.

Please let me know if you have any questions!!

Thank you so much!!

Zoe's Nine Months Old!! Her First Portraits Since Surgery!

Thursday, October 8, 2009: Affirmations for Zoe

Zoe turns 9 months old today. It is sad and happy for me; a kind of bittersweet. I am hoping and praying and BELIEVING that we will get to celebrate her 9-year birthday and that one day she will celebrate her 90th birthday.

As for me, I am going to explore this positive thinking and law of attraction think a little farther. Years ago (even before the Secret), I listened to a CD called Prosperity Conciousness. It was about how your thoughts could affect your financial situation. It was something that made sense to me and I wanted to explore these points more. Even before then, my dad had read a book called, Riches Within Your Reach." It was along those same lines. One of the most important points of this CD was affirmations. So I have decided that I am going to write down affirmations for Zoe and read them everyday. I encourage you to do the same. You can either write your own or use mine. Basically, what we are doing is retraining our subconcious to think positively.

My Affirmations for Zoe:

1. Zoe WILL live!!
2. Zoe's tumor will NOT get any bigger!
3. Zoe's tumor WILL shrink to absolutely nothing!
4. I will NOT lose my precious little girl!
5. Zoe will NEVER show neurological symptoms!
6. At Zoe's next MRI, her tumor WILL be smaller!
7. Zoe WILL be a normal child.
8. Zoe WILL be in the 10% that live past two years.
9. Zoe WILL be a miracle baby!
10. Zoe's doctors WILL be amazed at how her tumor disappears!
11. We WILL make the right decision for Zoe's care and treatment.
12. This illness is NOT anyone's fault.

I'm sure that many more affirmations will be added to this over the next weeks and months.

These can also be said as a prayer. Please affirm the points with me daily and feel free to add your own. I know that there is power in positive thinking and in prayer.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009: Headed in the Right Direction

Zoe went to the neurologist and oncologist today. Dr. Brahma (the neurologist, did I mention he's HOT!! :-) said that she is looking great and that the shunt is working properly. He also said that he reviewed the CT scan from when Zoe went to the ER last Saturday. It showed that the fluid spaces are almost gone and the brain is filling those in like it should. Also, Zoe's head has decreased in size from 19 3/4 inches to 19 inches, a vast improvement!

Zoe also saw Dr. Claire today. We spoke a lot about different alternative treatments that we have been researching. It seems like Sean and I will be flying to Utah to consult with the nutritional doctor there in the next few weeks. She has had very good results in the cases that we have found. Dr. Claire said that she could find nothing harmful in anything that she did and that she does seem to do her homework thoroughly.

The Burzynski Clinic in Houston is out for now. It seems that the claims of low side effects are not so true. Dr. Claire said that she has had several patients go there over the last 20 years and all of them have had seizures while on the IV formulation. That is certainly something very scary for me! She said that she had one patient on 5 different meds to control them and they were still uncontrollable! I can't rationalize taking a baby that is not sick right now and putting her through that. Too much can happen with seizures. Also, she stated that patients had to be put on medication that causes rapid weight gain. That is another thing that I don't want Zoe to have to go through. What is the point of fixing one problem only to open her up to dozens more?

I want Zoe to be able to have a happy and full life, even if it is shorter than I feel it should be. I don't feel it would be fair to lengthen her life if she is just going to be sick the entire time. With that said, if Zoe starts showing neurological symptoms, Burzynski treatment will certainly be considered as an alternative to radiation. We know that the radiation only lengthens life by a few months. At least with Burzynski there is the possibility of long life.

But that is a bridge that we will have to cross if we get there. Until then (and we are convinced then will never happen), we are going to continue the supplementation, diet, and detoxification route.

I've really been trying to keep a positive attitude today but it has been tough. I want to think that Zoe is different. I want to KNOW that I am going to hold her hand on the first day of school and smile proudly when she graduates from college, but sometimes I falter. I suppose that none of us truly know that about our children. Life is so fragile and uncertain that we can't possibly know anything for certain. But the possibility of that not happening stares me in the face daily. Today, the probability stared me in the face. The fear crept back in as Dr. Claire was talking about survival rates. Only 20% of children diagnosed with this type of tumor live one year past diagnosis and only 10% survive past two years. I feel confident and at peace that Zoe will be in that 10% but even that confidence can crack sometimes. I just remind myself of the kids that are eight and ten years out from diagnosis and are either tumor free or no worse than they were at diagnosis.

Zoe has another MRI in six weeks. I am certain that the least we will see is no change, if not an improvement, however slight. But every day, I still catch myself looking for those neurological symptoms, questioning my belief that they will never begin. Are her eyes closing fully when she sleeps? Is her balance trouble when sitting caused by the tumor or is it normal? Why isn't she crawling? I ask these questions even though she passed her neuro exam with flying colors, and even though I know other babies her age that don't sit all that well and aren't crawling. I suppose that it is only human nature.

I did read something today in Dan Brown's, The Lost Symbol, that made me stop and think. It was about the power of the mind, specifically about how powerful many minds can be when they are all focused on the same goal. Here is the passage:

"In 2001, in the hours following the horrifying events of September 11, the field of Noetic Science made a quantum leap forward. Four scientists discovered that as the frightened world came together and focused in shared grief on this single tragedy, the outputs of thirty-seven different Random Event Generators around the world suddenly became significantly less random. Somehow, the oneness of this shared experience, the coalescing of millions of minds, had affected the randomizing function of the machines, organizing their outputs and bringing order from chaos."

Did this really happen? I don't know. Could this just be something Dan Brown imagined because it would make an entertaining story? Quite possibly. I most certainly intend to find out. True or not, though, I certainly believe in the power of the human thought. The Bible stated that with the faith of a mustard seed, we could move mountains. Over the years, I believe that people have come to see this as a metaphor.

I don't.

I believe that we have certain mental powers within us that we no longer use to out full capability. The subconscious mind is a powerful thing. It is not easy to train your subconscious mind to think positively all the time, but it can be done. I will begin today to train mine. I will no longer let the fear creep in. I will no longer let the doubt overshadow the hope. it is my duty to my precious child to send positive and healing thoughts her way and the keep the "toxic" thoughts at bay.

But here is where I'm truly going with all of this. With so many people all over the world praying for Zoe and sending her positive thoughts, I believe that we actually hold the power to change the tumor, to make it disappear. I know if sounds a little cuckoo, but I know that there is a reason that I chose THIS particular book as the next book to read when I had twenty to choose from. I know there is a reason why I read that particular passage today after hearing those dismal statistics. I truly believe that God was telling me that we do have the ability to stop this tumor from growing. We do have the ability to shrink it to nothing. We do have the ability to save Zoe. And now I'm telling you; think positive and keep praying! We will prevail! We will save our little girl!!

Sunday, October 4, 2009: A Miracle

Zoe was dedicated this morning at Mom and Dad's church, Grace Fellowship. It was a very moving service. We are definitely due a miracle and I think that we are about to get one.

The Parable of the Weeds

When we went to the ER at Scottish Rite on Saturday night of last week, my dad prayed hard for something that he could hold on to for Zoe. Here is the verse that he was given. It is called the Parable of the Weeds.

The kingdom is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared.

The owner’s servants came to him and said, “Sir, didn’t you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?”

“An enemy did this,” he replied.

The servants asked him, “Do you want us to go and pull them up?”

“No,” he answered, “because while you are pulling the weeds, you may root up the wheat with them. Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned, then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn” -- Matthew 13:24-30

Interpretation of what this means for Zoe coming tomorrow. I'm too tired to type it out right now :-)

Tuesday, September 29, 2009: Baby Steps

Last night was ROUGH!!

Zoe is still off of her schedule in a massive way. She was up until around 3AM. Not because she was upset about anything but because she thought it was playtime. I must admit that it was difficult to be upset about being awake when she was being so sweet. She would roll over onto her tummy and look up at me and smile and laugh. I'm not sure I would have traded that time for all of the sleep in the world. However, things did get very tough as I was sitting there watching her. I think I was too exhausted to control my thoughts and they began to run away with me.

I sat there watching her and crying.

I have faith that we will take the correct path and that she will be healthy, but I am still scared. I suppose it is just human nature to question ourselves and the decisions that we make. The "what if" game is a deadly one to play, but yet we still insist upon playing it. I don't want to play the "what if" game with Zoe. Heaven knows, I have already played it enough. What if I had noticed sooner? What if I hadn't decided to take her that day? What if she had had a seizure that had cause irreparable damage? Once more, I'm asking myself questions that will never be answered, can never be answered. Will I ever stop asking myself these questions? Or is that just another unanswerable question? I can only hope that one day questions will no longer be necessary.

I know that when we make the decision for Zoe's course of treatment, I will continue to question. Have I chosen the right path? Will this enable her to live a long and full life? Questions that one day can be answered and I can only hope and pray that the answer to both questions will be yes instead of no.

We continue to research varying treatments and I am sure that we will become better informed as the days and weeks pass. In the meantime, we are continuing to do all that we can to keep the bad stuff out and put the good stuff in.

I read an email to Tonya today about B17, a vitamin that I have heard the benefits of many times before now. I have been thinking of it ever since Zoe's diagnosis. However, I only know that you could eat apricot seeds and get it from there. But there is no way Zoe can eat apricot seeds!! She doesn't have any teeth! Fortunately, the email that I read today did have a link to a website where I can purchase it in pill form. From there we can crush it up and give it to her in her food. Or so we hope anyway! Fingers crossed! We are now searching to find dosing information for an infant.

Another decision made.

Lord may it be the right one.

How to Order Zoe's Ornament

Here's what you do to order Zoe's Ornament.

If you would like to order an ornament, please send me check or money order to 179 Shadow Lake Drive, Arnoldsville, GA 30619. Please be sure to include quantity and mailing address. If you would like to drop off cash, you may do so as well. As soon as I get your order I will send it to South Carolina. You can also order them at the Natural Baby in Watkinsville! When they are being carried at other stores, I will let you know. First come first serve so get them today!

Zoe's Ornament!! (Better photo)

This is more like the real color!

Zoe's Ornament!!

I am so excited about this!!

Zoe's Ornament. This a collaboration between McTailor's Alterations & Boutique and Adventures in Childbirth. They sell for $20 and $5 from each sale will go to help Zoe and her family with their courageous fight.
These are embroidered and are a little over 58000 stitches each. They take a little over 2 hours each to make. Ribbon roses may vary. I can only make so many of these, but will make as many as is humanly possible.
I will have these at McTailor's Alterations & Boutique in Myrtle Beach, SC...Nicole will have these at The Natural Baby in Watkinsville, GA. Of course we can ship them as well.

We are also hoping to put these in Full Bloom and you can order them from me at any time. The picture makes them look lavender and pink but they are actually grey and pink, grey because it is the awareness color for brain tumors and pink because it is Zoe's signature color. Here is a picture of the actual colors.

Please let me know if you would like to order one of these ornaments. The earlier you order, the more likely you are to get one before Christmas!! Thank you everyone for your support and thank you to McTailor's Alterations and Boutique and Adventures in Childbirth for this wonderful gift!!

Love,

Andie

Sunday, September 27, 2009: A Little Further Along the Road

It was rough to try and get over last night's little trip to Altanta. Now my schedule is just as off as Zoe's!! Hopefully we'll both be back on schedule soon!

We started Zoe on her probiotic today. Hopefully her poor little tummy will start to calm down now. She also got her supplements and some alkaline water. Brooke (my neighbor) sent me some information about a study that is being conduction at Cedar-Sinai in LA involving Dendritic Cells. Tonya is looking into it further for me. I also looked into purchasing full spectrum lighting for the house and will probably do that in the next several days.

The family went to Outback tonight and Zoe got ot go with us. She did really well. I watched my nephew, Sean (8) and Ethan (7) play with her and prayed that I will still have my little Zoe when she is that age. I have faith that I will.

Sessions for Zoe

Starting today all sessions booked for October will be special sessions for Zoe. 50% of the sitting fee and photograph purchases will be put into a special account to help us pay for her treatment. Contact me today to book your session!!

Check out the website at www.andiefreemanphotography.com

Our facebook page is www.facebook.com/andiefreemanphotography

Email: andie@andiefreemanphotography.com
Phone: (706)296-7753

Don't forget that bracelets, awareness ribbons, and many other items that people are donating will be available in the coming weeks to help Zoe fight this disease.

Thanks!
Andie

September 26, 2009: The First Steps on the Road to Recovery

Today we started getting everything together for Zoe. I went to the Natural Baby in Watkinsville and purchased several organic items for her. We switched from Pampers to chlorine-free organic diapers. We also bought a food steamer/processor that is BPA free. We switched her bowls from plastic to stainless steel. Even though they were BPA free plastic, I'm not taking any chances. We also purchased a stainless steel sippy cup. Along with all of that we got her organic cotton sheets, in pink of course. It wasn't a cheap little trip but I think it was well worth it.

We also went to Earth Fare and purchased all natural and organic hair products for me and soaps and lotions for Sean. This way, I won't transfer toxins to her by breastfeeding. Also, we won't transfer them to her by touching her. I also purchased a probiotic to help replenish what was killed by the antibiotics she needed after surgery.

We are continuing to give her the FuCoyDon and Eternity although we have had to back off a bit because she is having such runny diapers. Hopefully the probiotics will help to clear that up in the next few days. I'm also trying to get her back on some solids to try and help with that.

Dad came and installed a water filter on our pump that will filter chlorine and flouride out of our water. That way, when she bathes, she will not be exposed to those chemicals. We have also started giving her alkaline water to help alkaline her cells and starve out the cancer. We tested my breast milk and it has a pH of 6.5 which is alkaline so we are doing well there.

Tonya and I are researching many alternative therapies that may work for Zoe. One in Houston, Texas. It is performed in a place called the Burzynski Clinic. They have had some great success (so we think so far anyway). We are also looking into a nutritional doctor in Utah. We found her through a little girl in Ohio that had DIPG just like Zoe. This little girl went through 33 days of chemotherapy and radiation and then they decided to stop treatment. She went to see this nutritional doctor and the tumor shrank from 5 cm to .4 cm in 2 years. She is 4 years out from diagnosis and she is cancer free, a normal 9 year old.

We are also looking into vibrational retunement in Bristol, England, and Ruta-6, a homeopathic treatment from India.

Tonight around 10, Zoe started to vomit and she vomited about 6 or 7 times within the course of 45 minutes. The neurologist has us bring her back to Scottish Rite. They did a CT scan and some x-rays to ensure that her shunt was draining correctly. Fortunately, it was and we got to come back home.

September 25, 2009: The End of the Beginning

Since speaking with Dr. Claire yesterday, I am feeling much better. The rest of the family is feeling much better as well. We feel that we can defeat this awful disease together. Right now the plan is just to monitor Zoe and see how she does. Tomorrow starts a whole lot of reasearch for me into natural alternatives.

Zoe was discharged from the hospital today and we got to come home. It was such a welcome return. Family was all around. When I put her down for a nap in her own crib, she went to sleep immediately. She knew that she was home.

We are going to continue the FuCoyDon and add Eternity to the mix. Dad has already placed a whole house water filter in our house (although he is having diffinculties that will have to be fixed tomorrow) and I am on the hunt for the safest products possible. Here's to a long life with my precious daughter.

September 24, 2009: The Beginning

Today, I decided to begin a journal. It will be a journal of my miracle baby. It will be a journal of miraculous healing that cannot be explained by modern medicine. This will be a journal of Zoe's winning fight with cancer.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009, started like any other day in my life. It was sunny, finally, for the first time in a week. Zoe had an appointment with her pediatrician. I was concerned with her protruding fontanelle and wanted him to check it out. We were all convinced that nothing was wrong with out perfect baby. We couldn't have been more mistaken. Maybe we just didn't want to admit that something could be wrong with her. Zoe's pediatrician immediately sent her to Athens Regional for a CT scan, thinking that she had hydrocephalus, a condition where CSF (Cerebral Spinal Fluid) is not draining properly from the brain. We were so concerned. We were given the information on treatment and it scared us.

BADLY!!

Little did we know what the CT scan would show. Zoe's pediatrician called me on the hospital phone and told me that Zoe has some type of tumor in her brain-stem. I was floored. How could my baby have a tumor? What if it was cancer? The diagnosis was that it probably was. No one should ever have to hear that their precious and perfect baby girl most likely has cancer.

We were just dumbfounded.

Thus started a journey for us. Zoe's pediatrician got in touch with Children's Healthcare of Atlanta and it was arranged for Zoe to be transported to Scottish Rite. I have never done anything more difficult than I did that night. I held my screaming baby tightly in my arms while they tried to start an IV for the third time. But, as they say, third time was the charm. I had no idea how hard things would get over the next few days.

We arrived at Scottish Rite that night exhausted and clueless as to what to expect. I spent a lot of time crying and holding my sweet girl, singing her favorite song, "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star." I kept running things through my mind. Why us after everything else we had been through? Why her? Why such a perfect little child? What had I done wrong? Was I being punished? All questions that could be asked but never answered.

I wondered every second if I was going to have to bury my precious little baby. I don't know how I could possible live without my heart.

The next day, Wednesday, September 23, 2009 started early. Doctors came and went. They measured her head and looked her over. Finally, we started to hear about what was going to happen next. They were pretty sure that they would have to place a shunt in Zoe's brain to drain the excess spinal fluid into her abdomen. She would keep it for life. Without it, the outlook was grim.

However, they weren't certain that Zoe really did have a tumor and would need an MRI to determine if it was. They were hoping for some type of inflammation or infection based upon the lack of neurological symptoms and Zoe's young age.

So at 10:30 AM that morning, the surgery went forward for the placement of the shunt. It was quick and Zoe was back in my arms after about 2 hours. The difference in her fontanelle amazed us all when we saw it. We kept asking ourselves how we couldn't have noticed sooner. But when you see gradual change every day, it just doesn't seem to register as quickly.

Zoe did fine after surgery and the MRI went forward this morning. Because they needed her to be absolutely still, Zoe was sedated. She had a rough time waking up from the sedation. It was something that had us all holding our breath. I was so scared when they called the doctor in to check her right after she came out. The relief was palpable when she started to stretch those little arms and open those bright blue eyes. The first thing she did was jerk the oxygen tube out of her nose and stick it in her mouth. :-)

We waited impatiently for the results. So in hopes that it wasn't cancer. But it is. Zoe has a diffuse intrinsic pontine glioma. A tumor has infiltrated her entire brain stem. It was like hearing the news all over for the first time. Except this time it wasn't a probably, it was certain. I was devastated. I just leaned into Sean and sobbed. I kept trying to figure out what I had done wrong. I had tried to do everything so right. I take my supplements. I had breastfed and am still breastfeeding. I only give her organic solids. I use all natural baby products. I even just spent $300 on an organic cotton mattress for her. But the bottom line was, I didn't do anything to cause this. It was just something that happened.

Zoe doesn't fit the bill at all with this cancer. She is so young. Quite possible the youngest ever. She has no neurological symptoms, and had it not been for the hydrocephalus no one would have known. Even the tumor doesn't act the same way with the MRI contrast dye as other tumors like this.

Her oncologist, Dr. Claire as she likes to be called, did give us hope. There are reports of these tumors that just disappear. We are determined that will happen with Zoe's. Or at least it will not grow.

We had already begun to give Zoe FuCoyDon, a seaweed supplement that contains polysaccharides to help break down cancerous cells and build the immune system, when we heard the news. Now we are on the warpath to stop this cancer naturally!! And Dr. Claire is right there behind us!